Order up!

There has been so much happening in the world of politics lately, that I’ve been unsure how to categorize my thoughts enough to write anything sensible. From ‘slutgate’ to the latest in presidential haute cuisine (a nice rice pilaf, with a side of dog) to the shocking news that the media-hungry K. Kardashian is considering a career in the political arena, I’ve had a difficult time deciding what is the most interesting or ridiculous topic to write about. Seeing as how I’ve been dieting, you would think I would go with the dogmeat angle, however, as obsessed as all dieters become with food (since we can’t have much of it), the idea of eating man’s best friend makes me deucedly happy to have broccoli and carrots, so I’ll leave that one to the late-night comedians. Likewise with K.K.’s political aspirations, I do not feel qualified to comment on that topic because I don’t have the comedic skill to eviscerate it properly. That leaves me with the current War on Women turned War on Moms. I’m a woman. I’m a mom. Very well, then, I shall try to frame this issue as best I can.

There is no War on Women.

“The hell you say?!”

Yes. Yes I do say.

There is no War on Women, ladies. It’s all a lot of political theatre to make you feel like a victim so that big daddy government can step in and take care of you. That may sound delightful to you, to be taken care of by big daddy government, but remember: “As long as you live under my roof, you’ll obey my rules.” Life is peachy when big daddy is buying you birth control, but along will come a day when big daddy will tell you that you must do something that you disagree with and when you try to rebel, he’ll cut your allowance.

Now go to your room! Your pretty, pretty room that suddenly feels like a cage.

I know that simplifies things to a point that is hard for some people to understand, so I will try to elaborate. Women have not been ‘second-class citizens’ since they won the right to vote. You may say “But the civil rights movement of the ’60s! Unequal pay! Glass ceiling! Reproductive choice!” Let us take these issues one by one shall we? Civil rights were voted on by our representatives whom we voted for. Women had 40 years of voting rights between suffrage and civil rights to affect how Congress operated. The representatives they helped choose passed the Civil Rights Act, which granted them the right to equal pay. You could say they had won the right to pursue happiness in the workforce. The thing about pursuits is that you may not always achieve your desire, but no one can stop you from trying. Also, there is no glass ceiling. That was a ploy by the women’s rights movement to try to seem relevant after the movement stagnated in the early 80s. If you consider the fact that women typically have less physically demanding, safer jobs and get maternity leave as opposed to men who get no ‘paternity’ time off (and are woken by the same screaming infant at 3am) and do more laborious work, I’d say women have it pretty darn good. {I imagine feminists burning me in effigy at this point} Reproductive choice, likewise, is yet another attempt to make the women’s movement seem relevant. I don’t even want to hear about “cases of rape and incest” as we all know the primary focus of women’s rights is not to prevent or protect women from those acts. If it were, NOW would faithfully demonstrate at every trial of rapists and push for tougher sentencing of the despicable people who violate women. “Reproductive choice” is really about abortion, and ironically denies the same right of choice to men since babies must grow inside a mother’s body. Men may want desperately to be fathers, but have no say over whether their child may live or die. In the battle of “reproductive rights” men are the real victims, as their ability to reproduce rests in the wombs and whims of women.

Now that I have your attention (and most likely your seething anger) let me broach  the subject of the War on Moms.

Recently mothers got their hen-feathers ruffled after a sneering remark directed at Ann Romney. The remark was something to the extent of “she never worked a day in her life” and in its greater context was meant to imply that she has no concept of how the poor economy affects women because she’s wealthy. Again, I shall address these issues separately. Motherhood is very hard work. If it isn’t, you aren’t doing it right. Stay-at-home-moms (SAHMs) are nurturing, teaching, and guiding the future leaders of our world. They sacrifice time, wealth, and social interaction with their peers to devote themselves fully to their family. To acknowledge the hard work and dedication of SAHMs is in no way derogatory towards working mothers. Working moms often wish they could be home with their kids, while SAHMs often wish they could speak to someone who doesn’t say “poop” and “Elmo”. If you would pay someone to watch, feed, and teach your children, then staying home with them (sans paycheck) is work. Now that we have debunked the myth that SAHMs do no work, let us address the greater context of the statement made by Ms Rosen, shall we?

Ann Romney clearly lives in a beautiful, extravagant bubble. The economy has no power over her. She’s a fairytale princess in a castle with a car elevator and she frolics with the unicorns aaaaall day. [/end sarc] To say that wealthy people aren’t affected by the economy is ridiculous. Of course they don’t feel the pinch of it as much as us peons do, but they still feel it. To sneer at Ann Romney because she is a wealthy SAHM managing a household budget is to willfully ignore the fact that 100 wealthy Senators have yet to pass a budget for this country. At least the Romneys have a budget. I also have a budget, and while I’m working with way (WAY) less than the Romneys, I’ve chosen to stay home with my kids. It isn’t easy and at times I’ve had to choose which bills got paid, but it’s a choice I don’t regret. (When money was really tight, I would take a look at the budget and cut the ‘unnecessaries’, which is something that our government should learn.)  So much for the idea that only the wealthy have the option of SAHM-hood, and as for the notion that wealthy moms aren’t affected by the economy… well, none of us live in a bubble. It isn’t so much a War on Moms as it is derision of those of us who choose to forgo careers for what we see as our higher calling, sprinkled liberally with a bit of class warfare.

So there you have it. Your heaping helping of political theatre and rhetoric, all served up hot and fresh. Oh, and here’s your side order of roasted mutt. I’d hate for you to miss the fabulous flavor pairing of faux war and dogmeat.


11 thoughts on “Order up!

  1. Awesome post, Lembas! You have a very nice flowing writing style, very different from people that just speak in short sentences and give bare-bones info. You should have no problem developing a following among people looking for something different from the usual run of the mill ‘this happened today [link] here’s what some other guy said about it [link] here’s what I think about it [1 or 2 brief sentences], etc.

    Oh wait, that’s me. Ha ha.

  2. Elizabeth M Kozdron says:

    Beautifully written!! What a way with words, you have.

  3. Kenneth says:

    First rate. I shall look forward to more. So many idiots blogging these days, but now we have you to restore a little hope. Intelligent.

  4. Brian Horn says:

    Damn that ws good! I need a cigar! I knew you have a beautiful mind.

  5. dave says:

    Well said. I like the name. Are u a “Ringer”?

  6. […] quota like you see in places like China, but hey! giant vaginas!   As for equality, I wrote about that here. The only way women could possibly be more equal to men is if we had penises, but then we […]

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